Humorous Stories

 

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Home to see family

This is a true story, however; the customer may have been pulling our leg (making a joke). A Chinese man came into the travel agency and said that he wanted to go back to China to visit his family. He hadn’t been home for twenty years. The manager, of our agency, was arranging the reservation and in the conversation, she asked if he had any children. He said yes, he had 10 and took out a picture of his wife and family. They were young children so the manager said, “you’ve been away for twenty years so they must all be married by now.” The man looked at her and was very serious when he said “no, that’s a new picture..I have many good friends back in China.”

Humor, in a difficult circumstance

Some circumstances are not humorous immediately but a little passing of time brings the humor. Maybe, like many of us, humor was a means for me of getting through a difficult situation.

A number of years ago I was at a friend’s home picking up some business papers. This person had a depressive personality and on this day he said that he might just go down to the hardware store and buy a rope.

I knew what he was thinking, as he had said something like this before. I asked him, what he needed a rope for and he said,”I feel like walking over in those woods and …you know the rest.

It was a cold winter’s day with a lot of snow between his house and the trees. Not cracking a smile, I said, “why waste your money..that’s a long walk and with your medical condition you would die before you got over to the trees.”
He looked at me and we had a great laugh. He died a natural death about 25 years after this conversation. He used to talk to me about that day and would say “only for that laugh..”

Note: Person wishes to have name with-held.  

Warehouse humor…I gotta go…

Years ago, I worked in a warehouse in St. John’s Newfoundland. If you have worked in a warehouse or deliver on a regular basis, you can relate to this story.We had fun in the warehouse. Sometimes it was one of us playing a joke on another employee or on a delivery driver.

There was this one particular driver, who always had to go to the washroom, after he was off-loaded. The boys decided that they would play a joke on him.

One of the fellows, went to the washroom and placed a pair of boots in front of the toilet. He locked the door and crawled out.

Sure enough, the driver went to the washroom and waited for the person to finish. He paced back and forth and screwed up his face and pounded his fist into his hands, He was on tippy toes and his knees were squeezed together. After five minutes he went to the door and said..

“Heh buddy,,,I gotta go..can you come out”..there was no response.. he banged on the door and said..”I can’t hold it anymore.”

Still there was no response.

He bent over and looked under the door and all he saw was boots.  We were in stitches as he crawled under the door.

After he was finished, we all had a great laugh.

Wade 

Sleeping Horse

When I was around 14 or 15 years old, I was visiting with my grandparents in Marystown, NL. There was a movie theatre next door,  so I decided to go to the movie with some of my friends. After the movie, i waked a girl home. Now I wasn’t all that brave and we had to pass three cemeteries and walk about 2 miles from my Grandparents home. There were no street lights and the only light was from the moon. It wasn’t too bad, having someone with you but after a quick kiss good night i had to walk home alone. To be truthful, I was afraid.

Running in the dark, I passed the three cemeteries with my head turned in the opposite direction. After passing the last cemetery, I was only about a quarter mile from the house. I could see the light from the kerosine lamp.

Then, I brought up solid.,,there was a whine and I screamed. My grandfather was coming up to meet me and he heard the scream..Apparently a horse was standing, sleeping in the middle of the bridge and I had ran into its rear end. I knew what I hit but I often wonder if that horse ever stopped running.

Steve   

 

 

Chocolate Blueberries

Growing up in the fifties and sixties we had to make our own fun and help with the food supply. One of our jobs was to pick berries, especially blueberries. There were plenty of barrens within a few miles of our house but, as adventurous boys, we always had to search for the best berries. I recall one day we had walked up the road and decided to visit the area dump, before picking berries. We found gold. Well discarded boxes of bars were like gold to us. We didn’t know anything about being outdated or anything like that. This was chocolate and we ate and ate. There was still plenty to take home. We filled up our berry bags, with bars, and headed for home.

As we were walking down the road, a car stopped and the driver, a Mr Brown, asked if we wanted a ride home. Well, we wern’t going to turn down a ride. Back then a ride in a car was like a free ride on a roller coaster.There were four of us and we squat into the back seat. Now we were not allowed to tell lies. Mrs Brown was in the front seat and she turns around and says “You boys really did well today” One of us said, yes, it was a good day. She said, “were there lots of berries?” Again we said, yes!  We looked at each other because we knew Mr Brown had a store and it was possible that the bars were from his store.
There were lots of berries still on the bushes. 

 
 
Dirty Check

A teller was serving an older lady and noticed that her pension check was full of mud. She asked what happened to her check. Her reply. “I dropped my check in the muck.” 

 

Can I have “The Good Stuff” now

We were cleaning up from a dinner, at the church, and was just about finished when my nephew asked for a drink. I poured him a drink, from a water jug, that supposedly had a drink mix. He finished the drink and looking at me said “Can I have The Good Stuf now? Apparently one of the ladies had poured all the left over liquids into a water jug and someone had placed it in the refrigerator. It looked the same color has the kool-aid but what a horrible taste.    

What did one elevator say to the other elevator?? Where”s that dumb waiter?

 

   40 Fun things to do in an elevator

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, ‘Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!’

2. Whistle the first seven notes of ‘It’s a Small World’ incessantly.

3. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

4. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

5. Shave.

6. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: ‘Got enough air in there?’

7. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

8. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

9. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

10. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

11. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go ‘plink’ at the bottom.

12. Do Tai Chi exercises.

13. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: ‘I’ve got new socks on!’

14. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, ‘Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!’

15. Meow occasionally.

18. Frown and mutter ‘gotta go, gotta go’ then sigh and say ‘oops!’

19. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

20. Sing ‘Mary had a little lamb’ while continually pushing buttons.

21. Holler ‘Chutes away!’ whenever the elevator descends.

22. Leave a box between the doors.

23. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

24. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers ‘through’ it.

25. Start a sing-along.

26. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask ‘is that your beeper?’

27. Play the harmonica.

28. Say ‘Ding!’ at each floor.

29. Lean against the button panel.

30. Say ‘I wonder what all these do’ and push the red buttons.

31. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

32. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your ‘personal space.’

33. Bring a chair along.

34. Blow spit bubbles.

35. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

36. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

37. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

38. Wear ‘X-Ray Specs’ and leer suggestively at other passengers.

39. Stare at your thumb and say ‘I think it’s getting larger.’

40. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler ‘Bad touch

 

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